Science Is Fallible - Even With My Nobel Prize In Awesome
I'm not often wrong - in science, sex or sports. Especially when they're all the same thing. I was the one who predicted the Steelers would be the greatest team in the NFL and I was so convinced I got my hotel in Detroit well in advance. As a result, I got to ask Tommy Lee what's up with him and his transvestite hookers and you got the exclusive scoop here.
So I am proud of my track record when it comes to sports. It's science, people, just like sex. As I always say, love may be chemistry but sex is all physics.
Was I predicting the USA would do well in the World Cup? Not at all. I predicted they would be out in the first round, even though we are ranked number five in the world. What I did predict was a victory by Holland. And the Dutch let me down.
You know I created a whole simulator for just that reason. You all read about a day in the life of a physicist so you know how I roll.
Some 60 billion eyeballs watched World Cup games this year but it wasn't a huge hit in America, mostly because it is marketed poorly and a little dull if you prefer train wrecks like the NFL. You owe it to yourself and scientists worldwide to see what a truly appealling World Cup match for US fans would look like:
Okay, so the cherry on top of the sundae of delicious goodness that is science has predicted how to sell soccer to American audiences, but what couldn't science predict? That French midfielder Zinedane Zidane would go absolutely apes**t after smelly Italian bigmouth Marco Materazzi called him a "dirty terrorist" ( and then you can enjoy Zidane's priceless retort here) in overtime, getting ZiZou thrown out of the game and causing them to lose on penalty kicks when Trezeguet missed. We mostly couldn't predict it because we didn't believe there was a Frenchman who knew how to fight.* We also didn't predict that Jennifer Lopez is secretly a Voodoo priestess, though this would explain the fame of a talent-less lump of grease with a caboose bigger than my car. And no one - and I mean no one - could predict that Nick Lachey will find even more ways to get laid by going on tour. It looks like it is time to update Nick Lachey's CandyLand Game again.
*Zidane's parents are Algerian, not French, which explains both his willingness not to be a pussy and his sensitivity to the terrorism remark. Sweety is taking no prisoners here: "Duh," says she. "There were 10 minutes left in the World Cup. Of course they were trying to get inside his head." I am still with Zidane on this one. Want to see me lose it? Call me a Civil Engineer some time.