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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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Hilary Swank Says She's Not Getting Divorced Because Chad Lowe Looks Like A Girl



Finally, the kid gloves come off. When it was announced that Hilary Swank and some guy named Chad Lowe ( i.e. Nobody) were getting divorced, speculation was rampant as to why. As usual science has the answer.

She says it is "substance abuse" that led to the downfall of their fairy-tale romance and not that he is kind of a skinny dweeb with no prospects and she has an Oscar and looks like this:



We all know the real reason she left him is because she wants to step up to someone who does not look like her little sister. Studies have shown that if you look more feminine than your wife, she will find a man instead. Science rules. Swank recognizes she erred by not consulting science the first time around. Says Swank: "I make mistakes; I'm not some squeaky-clean person here."

You heard it here first, folks. She needs discipline and is a dirty girl. The line forms after me.

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