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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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Joga Bonito



Finally.

Here's a lesson for American soccer. If you want to advance in the World Cup, play like ... Americans. Yes, you heard me. As the German obliteration of Portugal showed, the American way works. German national team coach Jurgen Klinsmann may be German but he lives in LA and began coaching in LA. Much of his staff and training methods - American. He commutes to Germany. Meanwhile, the coach of the American team tried to be European; lots of defense and hope to score in the 90th minute.

We fought two whole wars to not be European and two wars cleaning up their messes so why would any American coach try to be European? Does Europe have MTV on satellite? You bet they do and you know why? Because no one wants to listen to European music ( Carla Bruni excepted ), that's why.

So in case Jurgen does not take over the US National team ( and I am betting he will - he did not like being pissed all over by the Germans only for them to make nice when he started winning ) here is a lesson for any coach who wants to make it in America: defense ain't where the Cadillacs are.

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