10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.
9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.
8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.
7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.
6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.
5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"
4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!
3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.
2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!
... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...
1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"
Oops ... and Happy 4th
I am all for unnecessary Constitutional Amendments against flag burning - let's face it, that's not free speech, it's conduct, and we can prohibit offensive conduct, like someone peeing on the Washington Monument or Woody Allen chasing Scarlett Johannson.
But instead of being against something, we should talk about what we are for; I am for having girls who look like this wear bikinis that support America*:
Naturally, any wearing of said bikini must be approved in advance by a committee consisting of me.
*Age 23, and thus completely okay.
posted by your friendly neighborhood Moderator at 8:37 AM
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