The Hoff Loses His Hand In The Cloud City
If you're going to fake an injury, make it as ridiculous as possible. David Hasselhoff thinks he can distract us from injuries he incurred while tearing down the Berlin Wall with his bare hands by inventing an elaborate tale about chandeliers and shaving in London.
Why is it these stories always take place in obscure third world countries like England, where they can never be confirmed?
These unconfirmed sources want us to believe he was shaving in the hotel gym - yeah, we all do that - when he hit his head on a chandelier and cut his arm.
Chandeliers in the gym? Hitting his head? Did he see that in a Mr. Bean episode? He figures we never see BBC comedies. Over there he probably told them he injured himself fighting his father with light sabers:
We all know the truth. He hurt himself bitch-slappin' his wife.
We got your back on this one, Hoff. It ain't matrimony, it's mack-rimony. And you gotta pimp accordingly.