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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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Women We Love: Carla Bruni



I am betting I am the first person I know to listen to Carla Bruni and get a silly amount of enchanted over her - but I know I wasn't the last. I heard her in Italy and, crazy me, didn't have time to buy it there so I had to get it as an import. But endure the hassle because she is worth it.

Why is she so spectacular? Because, my friends, it's not just that she can sing. She is also a ridiculously hot supermodel. Can you imagine Kate Moss making music like this? Only if she were Italian and happened to speak impeccable French. In other words, I don't think so. Kate Moss can't even make a decent lunch. Trust me, I know.

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I mentioned her last in 2004. Why bring it up again? Well, I ended up watching the opening ceremonies of the Winter Olympics last night ( don't ask ) and I felt myself becoming more and more gay with each passing moment. Finally, they brought out Carla Bruni in the Italian contingent and I noticed within seconds my heterosexuality was completely restored.

So thanks Carla. For being such a great singer you haven't left my CD-changer in 18 months and for pretty much being hot enough that you could kill a homeless man and get away with it if you wanted to.

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