Everybody Hates You
This study says Americans have fewer close friends than they did 20 years ago. Now, sure, you're thinking 'hey, people move around a lot more than they used to so it makes sense you wouldn't have as many close friends you see often' which is what the study measured, but I have a different theory:
People just don't like you.
Let's face it, if you're reading this blog you're probably taking a break from watching Carmen Electra's Strip Aerobics, you've exceeded your ISPs bandwidth limit for downloading porn or you've already disappointed more fat women than Jenny Craig and are out of dating options.* Plus, with the rise of the internet you can always find someone somewhere in the world who digs your schtick so actually being liked in real life isn't as important. Or, if you're me, you're here because you're sick of people liking you so you have to be a little edgey online. I swear, if I get one more set of supermodels knocking on my door to have orgies of unprotected sex, I am climbing the water tower with a rifle.
It could be worse. If you've never been on a train in Japan you just don't know crowded isolation. Everyone in Japan is packed in like sardines and they're all on their cell phones text messaging people somewhere else instead of talking to each other. Heck, I talked this girl into shaving her legs on a train in Japan and people barely noticed.
Come to think of it, that was a pretty good practical joke. I just didn't realize until now I was doing anthropological science at the same time. Click on the pic below and see science at work for yourself:
*Or, of course, you just dig funny scientists. In which case, thanks.