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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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The Hoff Strikes Again - But This Time His Wife Strikes Back



It's become something of a national pastime to ridicule David Hasselhoff. Sure, he tried to take credit for the fall of the Berlin Wall and he'll act as strange as you want if you pay him in Australian money, but I am here to stand up for The Hoff.

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He and Mrs. Hoff are getting a divorce, you see. She said he physically abused her, he said she was too hopped up on Vicadin to notice. She hinted he once broke her nose, he said something along the lines of 'She is confusing me with her plastic surgeon.'

Now she's taking it to the airwaves. That's right, she has gone nuclear. Everyone knows that the way to stop spousal abuse is to make a pop album and get rich. But that's just what she is doing. I weep for The Hoff. Sure he could singlehandedly end Communism and make America's highways safe for fey talking cars but I don't think he's ready for the whirlwind that will surround him when a 50-year-old spurned woman starts recording music about him.

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