Why You Don't Want To Marry Eva Longoria
Because she is waiting to let herself go. Probably so is your chick. We know all women secretly think this, but to come right out and say it in public is reprehensible. You don't see me out in public talking about boning Angelina Jolie during the filming of Cyborg 2 or accidentally breaking up Scarlett Johannsen's relationship. Oh wait, yes you do. Well, that's different because my comments don't cut right to the heart of man-woman relationships; namely that your chick is just waiting to get fat.
Says Eva: "I think I’m putting on weight because I’m in love and I don’t need to try any more.". I mean, JESUS CHRIST, what kind of thing is that to say, even as a joke? Do I tell my little woman, "Hey I am in love so I will stop Nairing my forest of back hair - and you can just forget about me showering every third day now"? No, I do not say it. That's an implied expectation but have some friggin' courtesy. Couples lying to each other about trying to please each other forever is a time-honored tradition and some traditions just shouldn't disappear.
So Eva can pretend she will be 5'2" and 90 lbs. forever and I can pretend Halle Berry doesn't want to have my baby. At least for another 7 months.