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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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Best Reason To Watch American Idol



No, it's not to see Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul have sex, though he seems willing. It's to see these O'Donohue twins. Only one of them is competing because the other one seems to have had some kind of throat surgery. Wait ... I am supposed to like the one who can't sing LESS than the one competing? I doubt that. If I had my way, all women would have to get approval from me before they could even talk, much less sing. And none of them could wear jeans without my express permission.

And no emo haircuts. Ever.

See the O'Donohues from their 2004 Maxim shoot here. And the only picture that is important is this one, because they are wearing cool outfits:

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