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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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I Told You The New James Bond Was a Wuss



It was only Sienna Miller's career-enhancing vagina that got him the job anyway. After she dumped him, they couldn't even get a b-list actress to star alongside the guy, so they settled for some crazy French bag lady and then he broke his teeth trying to be a man.

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Not enough proof he is a nancy-boy? Turns out he can't even drive an Aston-Martin. Because he doesn't know how to drive a stick-shift.

Sheesh. I turned down being The Shadow ( though we saw how that turned out for them ) and Matthew McConaughey beat me out for Dirk Pitt only because he provided weed. If they make a Travis McGee movie without me, I am going ape-shit.

Though what do you think about remaking My Name Is Nobody, only with me as Nobody and Tom Selleck as Jack Beauregard? I bet it could work.

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