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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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Brad Pitt Says The Reasons For His Split With Jennifer Aniston Are "Complex"



I agree. Angelina Jolie picked me up at a hotel bar once and I couldn't figure out what her tattoos meant either. At least she didn't carry a vial of my blood around her neck. And, yeah, there was blood.

Pitt is a little more subtle about it, calling Jolie ... errr, I mean, the reasons for the breakup with Aniston "complex and multifaceted" and "not one thing."

And me? Well, I was good enough for Jolie when she was making Cyborg 2 but she won't even return my phone calls now.

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