Who Knew Canadians Had Sex? I didn't. Heck, I thought we bought them for the parking a while ago but it turns out they are still a country. And it turns out they do have sex, only it's with themselves. According to this study, young Canadians prefer virtual sex. Now, I've been to Canada and therefore I have seen Canadian women, so I can understand why men prefer not to have sex with Canadian women in person. I was just surprised that Canadian men were still pretending to be men. Didn't they vote for Paul Martin a few years ago? That costs you some manliness points right there. Why do it this way? According to this study, taken among thousands of Canadian students, the internet is a "social lubricant." I am not sure taking a bunch of nerdy kids with no social skills and then having them get all of their sex via computer is actually socially lubricating their lives. Of course, I am more of a traditionalist so I have always believed in giving women lubricants like alcohol and cocaine. Let me tell you, nothing lubricates women like a queso fresco cheese-sized block of cocaine. Other students use the anonymity "to explore sex in ways they wouldn't in real life." Wait, so if some Canadian girl gets me hopped up on deviant sex she isn't going to ever actually do it with me? What is the point of this again? 53% of respondents had achieved sexual gratification while just typing. 44% of respondents had made love via webcam or phone. Okay, now we are getting somewhere. Then you are at least approaching porn, which as we all know is a healthy, normal way to get off by yourself. Preferred position by the respondents? The pet-friendly doggy style. So at least Canadians got something right. That way I have a place to put my coffee.