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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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"There's a central dumbness to her"



What do I do when I am just too darn tired to ridicule celebrities? I let other celebrities do it for me. Who knew Mick Jagger could be so funny? Heck, I didn't even know Madonna was still alive.

And Boy George on Prince: "He looks like a dwarf that fell into a vat of pubic hair."

I mean, you're getting made fun of by BOY GEORGE. How lame are you when that guy is getting laughs at your expense? I come up with all kinds of crazy insults. Some work and some don't. Calling someone a 'homosexual clown farmer' for example, will always get a laugh out of me.

Celebrities kicking other celebrities. 2006 is starting off right. I haven't been this happy at the beginning of a year since 1981, when at age 15 I discovered I had to go from Magnum to Magnum XL condoms.

posted by your friendly neighborhood Moderator at 6:15 PM
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2 attempts to be as funny as a scientist


Comments on ""

 

Anonymous Anonymous said ... (1:09 PM) : 

How do you have sex with women if you are so big?

 

Blogger Chief Scientist said ... (1:34 PM) : 

Yeah, at my size it's often more like a human rights violation than sex. And I know you are sensitive on that topic but I got your back on that whole small penis thing you got labelled with.

 

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