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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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Einstein 101



Here's all you need to get out of any barroom argument on motion, large and small (bonus - by using the terms "large" and "small" motion, you won't gain anything at all in the bar, but physicists are bound to notice you did your homework), with your dignity intact:

1) Einstein was not a fan of quantum mechanics. His "spooky action at a distance" comment was not an endorsement. But by stating that light was both a particle and a wave he was probably the founder of quantum physics.

2) Neils Bohr and other guys pretty much dismissed Einstein by simply stating that they were dealing with things so small that the act of visualizing or measuring them changed them into something else. So scientific experiments wouldn't work.

3) Schroedinger had his famous cat, who was half-dead and half-alive at the same time and the inspiration for this funny bit of scientific poetry. This whole theory threw Einstein into a rage, whence he issued his "God does not roll dice with the universe" line.

God may not throw dice but he may have a sense of humor. Or irony, if you use the language like Alanis Morrisette does.

The guys who agreed with Bohr went off and built atomic bombs using, in part, quantum phyics. Einstein got pushed aside as a relic. Now it turns out he may have been more right than wrong. Where's the humor in that? Well, if you can be dead and alive and right and wrong, you can also be a particle and a wave.

And that's pretty funny no matter what religion you are.

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