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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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A New Reason To Hate The Latest Coldplay CD



Not just because Chris Martin is an annoying hack either. Check out this list of restrictions when you purchase the CD. That's right, they put on a protection scheme so you can't listen to it in pretty common devices, even on some car stereos. Do they tell you that before you buy the CD? Of course not. Sure, sure, there's some crazy record label behind it but I'd like to go ahead and blame Coldplay just the same.

I haven't been this irritated about music since Vitamin C and I broke up during the shooting of her "Smile" video. She said she couldn't understand what I did for a living.

Huh? I asked. Did you see the video you just made???

In hindsight, she sorta pricked me with a pin and I blew her away with a sub-machinegun, so that wasn't my finest relationship moment. But at least after that I didn't have to put with Kirsten Dunst hitting on me every time C turned around.

Anyway, Colleen, it's been a while and I forgive you for yelling at me after I slept with Kirsten. But I still won't return your calls.

posted by your friendly neighborhood Moderator at 2:39 PM
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Comments on ""

 

Anonymous Anonymous said ... (6:54 PM) : 

You're making fun of Coldplay but you hung out with Vitamin C?

 

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