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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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Another Lennon Who Can't Find a Decent Chick



I know I am supposed to 'ooooh' and 'ahhhh' about John Lennon but name me a single Beatles song written by John Lennon that anyone bothers to play. "I Am The Walrus"? Who plays that in restaurants? The plain fact is they agreed to share the credit and list the names in alphabetical order so even the ones written by McCartney gave Lennon a rep he didn't deserve. And he married a crazy, screeching Asian bag lady who broke up the band. Now his son has proven his judgment is just as bad by putting out a nationwide personal column.

He says, "Any girl who is interested must simply be born female and between the ages of 18 and 45." Italics mine.

And then, "I'm completely alone and I'm completely miserable. So please send your request to (Page Six)."

Why not just go into the nearest biker bar and find the girl who can spit tobacco the farthest??

posted by your friendly neighborhood Moderator at 8:22 AM
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