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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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If You Thought English Chicks Were Nuts Before



Now, I love all people equally. Well, aesthetically I am going with blonde girls but I mean in a broad sense I love all people equally. However, there is a special level of relationship hell from whence all English chicks come. How nuts are they? This one married a dolphin. I have no problem with dolphin marriages, especially lesbian dolphin marriages, since the woman is named Sharon and the dolphin is named Cindy, but kissing in the blow hole is just a joke waiting to be made.

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