Learning New Technology

I have a maid but what none of you may know is that she's French. And she wears those little French outfits. I don't know why, it's not like I am ever there when she cleans the place. Aside from turning on the Roomba and watching it go I am not sure what she does, but it isn't easy finding a French maid in California so I don't complain. Whatever else she happens to do while sitting in front of my TV and watching my robots clean must involve my computer because she is a pretty savvy computer geek. I asked her how to do a video pod cast and this is what I got in my email. At least her podcast knowledge explains the outfits. It was good timing because I wanted to create a video about the effects of magnetism on the human body only to discover some dumb doctors think electricity isn't how our bodies work. I know a lot of doctors and, honestly, I wouldn't even let most of them change the oil in my car much less touch my body, no matter how smart they look on TV. Having one of them tell me that magnets don't impact the human body is about as relevant as having a ballet student dance about a Rembrandt painting. So after seeing that video my day only got weirder because I scored just 9 out of 10 correct on the world capitals quiz. I missed the capital of Canada of all things. But you already know what I think about Canadians. And by Canadians I mean women. Because I think all the men left. So then I read some news and wished my chick would learn how to paint with her nipples like that large woman in Australia. Heck, I wish she would let me see her nipples. But she ain't my sex slave. If I want one of those I have to be a Canadian and go to Nairobi where apparently they are happy to study prostitutes who can't get AIDS rather than giving them a job that doesn't involve being a grandmother and a prostitute. Yay Canada. So with just a few minutes to go until the Steelers game -- and we already know why they are the greatest team in the NFL -- it's time to settle in with a bag of Cheez-Doodles and a Coke. Painted nipples optional. And during half-time I can wonder why the only kinky thing Nick Lachey could find to do with Jessica Simpson was wear her friggin' shoes. I mean, it's Jessica Simpson. We know she has no butt but even without it she still looks like this: