How Not To Get Laid So we're sitting at breakfast and basically just talking about random things and the waitress introduces herself by saying, "My name is China." I say to Sweety, "Who names a kid China?" and then, "Do you think she's a wrestler?" and finally, "Isn't that 'Dancing With The Stars' thing on TV again?" She is unfazed by all of this, since this is about the billionth time I metaphorically started a conversation about butterflies and ended up verbally designing a space shuttle that will take off from my garage roof. "I recorded it. We can watch it," she replies. Now, this is nothing new. There are three Replay DVRs in my house with approximately 160 hours of space on each one of them and they are almost full - and that's just with Nip/Tuck episodes she doesn't have time to watch. But I am not thinking about that. "Sure, I'll watch it. It has Stacy Kiebler on it this season." "Who's that?" "Well, she's a lady wrestler." "You know that? Is this someone you think about a lot?" because she knows I probably haven't watched more than 5 seconds of wrestling in my whole life. Or at least since Wrestlemania III, when Hulk Hogan body-slammed Andre The Giant in the greatest televised wrestling event of all time. But I digress. "Well, not a lot. Maybe for 5 minutes late at night when I am out of town." "Really? Well, you can think about her again tonight. In fact, I am going to print off her picture and hand it to you and say, 'Here you go'." "Nein, nein, nein." "Then you better watch your step, bubba." You know what that means, right? Yeah, me too. Massages and bubble baths in order to get her back in the zone. Women have it easy because they only have to deal with men, which pretty much consists of just getting naked to turn us on.