Madonna Wants Her Kids To Join The Cult Of Santa
Madonna doesn't feel like she can support Kabbalah any more. Now, if there's one thing scientists understand, it's anxiety about losing one's religion, especially after guys like Bruno and Galileo lost their religion and then their lives. Well, not just scientists. Michael Stipe says he understands too, unless he just likes dancing around like an ostrich onstage and pretending to feel the pain of those in a religious crisis, like Madonna.
Wait, you are asking, isn't Madonna, like, the Queen of Kabbalah, with the red bracelet and the getting other celebrities to join and visiting Israel and changing her name to Esther ( Ethel? Some E name or another)? Well, yeah. Most of the millions in donations that the US-based offshoot of Judaism has received came from her.
But Madonna cares about her kids more than she cares about her own soul or where it ends up for all eternity. She let us know that when she gave her eight-year old a credit card and capped it at $10,000. She is certainly willing to go the extra mile to raise good children. So when she discovered that going all old-school with Kabbalah meant another year without Santa, she drew the line.
"It's 2006," she said. "Jews should get with the program and celebrate Christmas like the rest of us."
I am not an expert on religion but I thought all this time that Santa was kind of a cultural thing instead of a religious one. Santa didn't exist 2,000 years ago so how could even forward-thinking types like the Jews prohibit him? It doesn't matter. It's Madonna, she knows what the heck she's talking about.
If next year she moves to Afghanistan or France or some other third world country where they drink goat's blood and carry daggers in public, she'll have her kids doing it to fit in. And I am sure I'll think about it doing it too. If it's good enough for Madonna's kids, it's good enough for me.