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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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Teri Hatcher Gives Up Botox



She doesn't need Botox any more because she now has the head of Medusa on her shoulders. So she can pretty much turn anyone to stone if they don't like how she's aging.



If she doesn't want to look like a Greek myth with snakes for hair, she can get this guy to eat her, provided he can make time in his schedule after he cannibalizes Hugh Grant.

Oops, false alarm. "I want to eat people who are beautiful," says Arwin Miewes. So Teri Hatcher doesn't count, especially after the Botox holding her together wears off. Does Paula Abdul count? After her drunken slurring on American Idol, I am betting she doesn't. Even cannibals have to have some standards.

Finally, here is your Science Relationship Advice for the weekend of March 3rd: Make her happy when you’re out by calling her at 11 P.M. She’ll go to bed knowing she's on your mind, even if you’re doing Jell-O shots off some skank’s tummy.

That is all.

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