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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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Non-Famous Mexican Couple Gets In A Fight



Why is this newsworthy? Because they blew up their house doing it. Now, the last time I got in a fight with my chick there was violence, sure, but it mostly involved ruined clothing and a broken table and not a small amount of Astro-Glide. There were certainly no homemade gasoline bombs, like these people used, and the knife was only for fun because I made her work for it before she could tie me up.

It's no secret I can enrage women but I have never had one fire a gun at me. I'll leave the Mr. & Mrs. Smith jokes to someone else because these people are not pretty enough to merit consideration for the sequel.

Apparently no Queso Fresco cheese was in the house. I can't imagine what else would cause such a ruckus. Some people hire hitmen over the stuff. Irma Contreras' only comment about Juan Espinosa was that she was only sorry she had not "hacked off his manhood" during the fight.

Mexican women rule.

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