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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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Big Love



I, for one, can't wait to see it. Who doesn't like Bill Paxton? He was great in Aliens and just about everything else he has ever done. So he has this new show out, "Big Love", about a polygamist and his three wives ( they are not Mormon, we are supposed to believe) and one of his co-stars is Chloe Sevigny.

Now, the only reason I even know her name is because she went down for real on Vincent Gallo in Brown Bunny. As sex scenes go, it was way below the quality of amateur porn but I guess it was essential to the story, if you're a pretentious arthouse ass trying to get into the Cannes Film Festival. So in that sense it accomplished just what she wanted to accomplish; she got name recognition and people constantly having something to ask her about. But Bill Paxton didn't like that the subject came up on daytime chick show THE VIEW. According to this article "Paxton is said to have exploded off-camera."

We'll never know for sure. One of the things I was looking forward to upon arriving back in country was having someone else with a Replay send me the show but I'll have to find someone back east because they apparently deleted that part from the west coast broadcast.

One insider notes, THE VIEW is "a show that is broadcast to housewives all over Middle America. [Oral sex] isn't the kind of thing you talk about."

It's true. Once you get married, oral sex pretty much disappears from womens' vocabularies altogether.

You waited a long time for that joke, didn't you?

posted by your friendly neighborhood Moderator at 9:14 PM
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