Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

Bringing you the dark genius of Dostoyevsky
combined with the divine, intelligent humor of Pynchon
since spring 2002


What Cool Scientists Are Wearing



  • Click Here To Get Your Own Cool Science Guy Stuff!
Sites Cool Scientists Are Reading
  • Science & Supermodels
  • Scientific Blogging
  • Build Cool Stuff!
  • We Are Scientists
  • Sex And The Beach
  • The Grunt
  • The Mighty Dyckerson
  • Blog Portland
  • Mo Comedy
  • RevRee
  • Chatoyance
  • Crystal Village
  • Misogynous Portuguese
  • M-Visions
  • Forever Geek
  • Geek Logik
  • Michelle's Spell
  • Issy
Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
  • Subscribe

  • Making the world safe
    for technology,
    one comedic punch
    to the throat at a time.


  • Add to Technorati Favorites!
  • Subscribe in NewsGator Online
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

Previous Scientific Goodness

  • How To Demoralize A Basketball TeamThe only thing ...

  • Scientists Discover An Underwater UPS Truck from 2...

  • Desperate Housewives RevisitedIt's no secret that ...

  • Women We Love: Carla BruniI am betting I am the f...

  • Why Did It Take Me So Long To Make Fun Of Britney ...

  • David Hasselhoff Saves My FridaySome days I worry ...

  • The Second Best Way To Enjoy The Super BowlOkay, s...

  • When Can We Just Call It Sex Day?If there's one th...

  • Because You Don't Have Time To Objectify WomenYou ...

  • The Only Reason To Watch TVI told you Stacy Kiebl...

Blah, Blah, Blah

  • Subscribe in NewsGator Online
  • unique IPs to-date
  • Top Technology Blogs
  • Site Feed
  • iPing-it!
  • Listed on BlogShares

  • Other Places
    To Find Me

    Powered by Blogger



How Not To Get Sex On Valentine's Day



I got hopped up on insurance recently, probably due to the fact that I changed companies about two years ago and recently discovered that, should I die in a horrific flaming car wreck surrounded by large-breasted women with Bonepony's "Stomp Revival" in all 6 slots of my 6-slot CD changer, their insurance policy on me doesn't pay squat.

Why would family members cut the brakes to my car if there's nothing to inherit? I can't expect to be liked on personality alone so 'inheritance' is something I want my kin to be muttering when they think about me.

Insurance policies require blood tests and such and they sent a nice lady over to see me to handle all of that. Sweety asks me how it went.

"I guess it was fine," I say.

"What was your blood pressure?"

"120/80."

"That's normal, right?"

"I am never sure. On charts it shows 120/80 and down is normal but 120-139 is pre-hypertension. Either way, I think I am okay."

"What else do they do?"

"They take a blood sample and a urine sample."

"Did it hurt?"

"The urine sample? No, she held it very gently."

Silence. I know what is happening; she is giving me the look. As if it works over the phone. You know what look I mean. The look that is supposed to tell me it is Valentine's Day. Like I don't know. I am the one who had to go to Target to buy her that $4 box of candy.

"24 hours. That's all I ask." She says. She means 24 hours without a reference to another woman's vagina or sex acts with other women. Especially deviant sex acts involving urine. Even as a joke.

"But if I stop making those jokes today you'd just expect it again tomorrow."

"You are not around that much. I just want to see if you can do it for one day."

Thus I have decided that, in the spirit of romance, I will make the effort. So here you go, people. 24 hours of humor without reference to supermodels, vaginas or cocaine.

Sweety, I hope you are happy. I won't make my $.05 on Google AdSense today because those jokes are the only reason people bother to read my blog.

posted by your friendly neighborhood Moderator at 9:03 AM
Email This Cutting-Edge Humor
Direct Link This Post
or Add to del.icio.us or even Digg me.
0 attempts to be as funny as a scientist


Comments on ""

 

post a comment