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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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Girls Give Hope To Ugly Guys Part II



First, Christina Aguilera got married and gave hope to ugly guys everywhere, and I was okay with that. But now Lost star Evangeline Lilly has gotten engaged to a Hobbit.

What's the point of doing all this work to look like ... well, me ... when squeaky little British guys can get women who look like this:



Generally speaking, her man-like body creeps me out but for him that's still pretty good. Now, I just learned about this yesterday and scientists say that January 23rd is the most depressing day of the year. So maybe Evangeline is suffering from low self esteem.

She's Canadian, which explains it. This Canadian guy wrote 3700 love letters to some Belgian girl he met on a trip so he is absolutely convinced the world is ending tomorrow and he can never find another girl. Yeah, he wrote to thousands of women in Belgium.That, my friends, is low self-esteem.

posted by your friendly neighborhood Moderator at 1:12 PM
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