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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"
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Christina Aguilera Gets Married, Gives Hope To Ugly Guys Everywhere



Okay, she got married and actually looks pretty good here, but what woman doesn't on her wedding day?



Yet look at the guy she married. Dude, you can shave on your wedding day. What this really does is reaffirm the advice I have given to women countless times: DATE UGLY MEN. They try harder.

I mean, look at this guy. I have five medical degrees and I still can't figure out what's wrong with his teeth.

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