Science 2.0

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

Because I am just that good.

Feist is on whatever show Jimmy Kimmel hosts tonight. Naturally the Replay is set.

Those crazy Asians drill into the center of the world for fun.

Big news. Beware, you could die of a heart attack.

On my Christmas list for 2006. That's right, a 240,000 round a minute super gun.

Dead man rides 6 hours on subway. Is it the plot of a new Weekend At Bernie's sequel? No, this is more believable. If you didn't have money for a token you would have been busted right away, of course.

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