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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn Split Up



Sure, I know, it's only some piece of gossip started to grab headlines but that's what the internet is for; to propagate unfounded rumors until they take on a life of their own. I am just doing my part. Apparently the news that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have conceived a child has unnerved her and it has caused some real friction between Aniston and Vaughn. Well, duh.

Anyway, what did she expect? They split up because she didn't want kids, right? She wanted to work on whatever she calls her career. He's Brad Pitt ... she's about as hot as an assistant manager I could pick up at any Gap store in the mall. That's why I won't even bother to put up her picture. That, plus I think an angel dies every time someone looks at her and Halle Berry on the same web page.

I can help, Jennifer. I am already willing to impregnate Halle Berry so I can do the same thing for you too.

You messed up with Brad Pitt. Don't make the same mistake with me.

posted by your friendly neighborhood Moderator at 1:08 PM
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