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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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Tom Cruise Has The Perfect Gift For Katie Holmes



I don't know what you would be thinking if your actor boyfriend gave you a gift that was actually just a DVD collection of every movie he ever made but Katie Holmes has to be crawling out of her skin just about now. No promise of a movie career could be worth this.

We already know he controls her like some deranged puppet master but I am okay with that. Controlling a younger woman like a deranged puppet master actually sounds kinda hot.



But giving her a gift of movies I made is where even I would draw the line. It sounds like the kind of attention-whoring ego stroke that surpasses even my ability to comprehend it. And I am some kind of needy attention whore, believe me.

Of course, the only movies I have made were pretty much done with hidden cameras in my bedroom so I suspect my chick doesn't even want to know she is in them much less get a whole collection of the women who came before her.

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