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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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Kate Beckinsale Wants You To Know She Has a Big Butt Too



I imagine there are a lot of women out there breathing a sigh of relief reading that. 'Wow, Kate Beckinsale is just like me because some days I feel like I have a big ass' - except those women actually do have a big ass. It's the sort of pandering, made-for-video-clip condescension blazing hot women have to give to dumpy spinsters who watch their movies. Like Jessica Simpson claiming she started making clothes for fat women because they told her they were like her - on the inside.

But it's worse than that. Kate Beckinsale is really in some pain here. There are days when she just can't get out of bed because her butt looks too big.

Now, I had chance to play the Astro-Glide sexual lubricant video game with this girl and I can assure you she is not fat. But she is insecure. Telling her she had teeth like Bugs Bunny and watching her throw herself at me after that was all the proof I needed.

"I guess when you become an actress you hope those fat ass days will go away, but of course, they don't," Kate Beckinsale said. And I imagine she had a heck of a time getting in her skin-tight latex catsuit for Underworld: Evolution too.

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