Show Your Favorite Stripper Some Love

Give her a big hand. Next time you are busted for using cocaine, use Janet Jackson's favorite excuse: "He gave me some liquidy stuff and it helped me so much ... it was in a vial. But after I used it I totally gave it back." She means the vial, not the cocaine. I would make jokes about Janet Jackson's intelligence but I have made references to 'retarded cats' twice already today. We all know she was among the first to drink "Cocaine" and that she inspired a whole generation of supermodels to drink it too. They say the high hits you within five minutes, followed by a caffeine boost 15 minutes later. It's like a picture of Jaime Pressly in a can. Under my "To Do List"; send a note to President Bush that the Russians may be onto something here. The solution to terrorism problems, says Igor Shpektor, mayor of Vorkuta, is sex. And plenty of it. He said: “Legalising prostitution would give men an opportunity within the law to address their emotions sexually with a provided service rather than expressing them in the form of xenophobia and extremism.” Indeed. Those Muslim guys kill us infidels because they get 72 virgins in Heaven for doing so. Or 72 grapes. 72 white, sweet things of one sort or another anyway - my Arabic is rusty and their penmanship wasn't all that great in 800AD. So hooking them up now saves us a lot of hassle, don't you think?