Golden Fiddle Makes The Honorary Scientists List
INT. A BEACH HOUSE BATHROOM, MALIBU, CALIFORNIA. NIGHT Matthew Mcconaughey and Lance Armstrong shower, shave, wax, pluck, gel, and dress together before for a big night at Sky Bar in Los Angeles.
LANCE: Hey, Matt.
MATT: What can I do you for, LA?
LANCE: You gonna wear the linen shirt tonight?
MATT: That’s right.
LANCE: Yeah, me too. Hey, Matt.
MATT: What now, amigo?
LANCE: How many buttons you gonna leave unbuttoned?
MATT: Well, my friend. I’m fixin’ to go four deep tonight. Give the ladies a little taste.
LANCE: Yeah, right. Four sounds about right… Hey, Matt.
MATT: Che cosa ora mio Amico?
LANCE: You gonna roll your sleeves up?
MATT: To right below the elbow.
LANCE: Hey, Matt.
MATT: What now, Sir Lancelot?
LANCE: You wearing those same shorts you woke up in?
LANCE: What about foot wear? Flip-flops?
LANCE: Left hand?
MATT: In po-keto.
MATT: Easy tiger. What’s got you down, now?
LANCE: Ah, it’s just another Nike contract here that says I have to keep wearing this stupid f--king bracelet for 3 more years.
MATT: Man, it’s the same bulls--t they tried to pull in my day. If it ain’t that piece of paper, there’s some other choice they’re gonna try and make for you. You gotta do what Lance Armstrong wants to do, man. Let me tell you this, the older you do get the more rules they’re gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin’ man, L-I-V-I-N.
LANCE: Livin’ strong.
MATT: That’s right. Livin’ strong.
LANCE: You’re right. I’m sorry… Okay, I’m ready. How do I look?
MATT: You look like the American dream, my friend.
LANCE: Sweet. Now let’s go f--k some underage Hollywood pussy!
MATT: All right, all right, all right.
LANCE: Hey Matt.
MATT: What now, compadre?
LANCE: Do you think we should call Jake?
FADE TO BLACK
Because sometimes scientists concede that civilians are really funny too, and Golden Fiddle created a classic.