The Top 10 Mysteries Of Science Part II
| 5. There's some confusion about Evolution. Americans are skeptics by nature. A study shows America is just above Turkey in percentage of people who don't believe we magically evolved from cement-like goop. Evolution theorists don't do themselves any favors by trying to convince people biology doesn't require proof - which sounds a lot like religion to non-biologists - and changing their definitions to match the evidence they have. Want to impress me, biologists? Convince me Angelina Jolie evolved her nose.  Sure, her nose is made of plastic and some kind of cement-like goop. Knowing what it is made of does not invalidate the existence of her plastic surgeon, if you catch my drift. 4. We have spent billions of dollars on The War On Fun ... errr, I mean The War On Drugs ... yet baby boomers are still getting stoned all of the time. Why are baby boomers, the people now in charge of government, such hypocrites? I don't even take aspirin but do you want to impress me, sociologists? Convince me that if I get random brain cancer I shouldn't spend my final months awash in an ocean of 8-balls and hookers. 3. This study says men are smarter than women. This study says tall people are smarter than short people. This article says a woman is mentally playing tennis, even in a coma. So I should be able to build a space shuttle in an hour if you give me the schematic because I am tall, male and not in a coma. Here's how you can impress me, sociologists. Given all those studies can you explain to me why it is I can't win an argument with Lady Scientist and still get sex? 2. James Lipton is still employed. Worse, he has Teri Hatcher on the season premiere of Inside The Actor's Studio. You know he has truly scraped the bottom of the barrel when he has to fawn over Teri Hatcher and issue forth sentences like, "And tell us how you came to do the immortal work, Brain Smasher ... A Love Story." Want to impress me, archaelogists? Tell me why her gaze doesn't turn everyone to stone, because she is clearly wearing the Head Of Medusa on her neck:   I can appreciate that Christina Aguilera gave hope to ugly guys everywhere by marrying him but something about this is just wrong. I have six medical degrees and I can't figure out what is going on with his mouth. The only answer? Well, there are two, and it proves both creationists and evolutionists wrong: A) This guy is a neanderthal, so evolution doesn't exist, and B) The fact that Christina Aguilera married him proves there is no God. 0. Gratuitous picture of Jolene Blalock because, like the guy married to Christina Aguilera, you people are neanderthals.  |
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Comments on "The Top 10 Mysteries Of Science Part II"
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Chris Wilson said ... (6:19 PM) :
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The Grunt said ... (9:42 PM) :
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Mo Diggs said ... (9:26 AM) :
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Anonymous said ... (1:44 PM) :
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Bruno said ... (11:35 AM) :
post a commentAha! You are incorrect sir! Christina Aguilera's husband, er monkey, proves these two things: 1) That neandrathals still walk the earth, kicking evolutionary theory on its ass, and 2) That God shows he exists by answering the prayer of this monkey and bestowing upon him a hot wife who makes a bajillion dollars.
Maybe they need to re-examine whether or not Neadrathals mated with Homosapien Sapiens. You could even attach a bogus name to the whole deal, like, "The Unibrow Theory of Relative Fugliness".
So America is just ahead of Turkey in people who believe in evolution. Man, if America keeps this up it will appear on the Surreal Life.
Mr. Chris, I concede your point. It's back to church for me.
Mr. Grunt, we could just fly to eastern Europe and see their descendants for ourselves.
Mr. Mo, I know, I know. It's those pesky fossils. People wonder why there are no fossils of humans with lungs at 60% formation or 20% formation, when there are fossils for just about everything non-human in every stage of development. Stupid Americans.
Hello Mr. Cash,
First of all, in response to the comment you left on my comic strip/blog/thing, the Kansas City Star is not printing all of the strips... only selected ones. We'll be leaving the more risque ones to the world of the web only. On the other hand, the first strip they printed had the word "douchebag" in it. Which I think is pretty badass.
Second, it's Kansas City, Missouri. Though there's a Kansas City, Kansas too. It's all very schizophrenic, indeed.
Third, thanks for that picture of Christina. And for her husband's. I'm adding him to my list of people who should give hope to every ugly man out there. After all, Heidi Klum is married to SEAL, of all people. There's hope for all us.