10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.
9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.
8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.
7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.
6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.
5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"
4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!
3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.
2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!
... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...
1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"
Why You Should Be A Soccer Fan
I'm a baseball fan, without question. Baseball is the only game where the defense has the ball, so it is both distinct and innovative and therefore number one in my heart. But, let's face it, with both gridiron football and baseball, once you take out commercials and committee meetings and standing around, you have about 15 minutes of action. Soccer has no commercials and it is balls to the walls action. They start running and stop 45 minutes later. Then you get 15 minutes to grab a sandwich and they start running again for another 45 minutes. If it's an elimination match like later in the World Cup, they then have 30 more minutes of running around followed by penalty kicks once everyone is exhausted. That, my friends, is some endurance.
In what other sport can a crazed fan run onto the field and get a hug from a player?
That's right. None. Well, maybe Roller Derby.
I recognize that some people are new to the sport so here is a primer on what you should know:
*Bookmakers predictably go with Brazil for the winner. The gutsy call: Holland.
*Offsides. Okay, forget offsides. It is pretty baffling.
Oh, forget it all. Just read this article. And bet on Holland.
Next stop: Gelsenkirchen, to make Czech girls sad.
posted by your friendly neighborhood Moderator at 10:29 PM
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