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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"
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Tom Cruise Has A Great Life



He is proud to tell you he has a spectacular sex life - and don't get me wrong, my sex life is spectacular too, because Sweety has that whole madonna-whore dichotomy down to an art form - but he has my spectacular sex life, is adored by millions and has enough money to buy Lenin's brain.

So what could make him happier than that? Eating his newborn baby's placenta is the idea he came up with.

Maybe he's on that Adkin's Diet thing?

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