Shhhh ... I'm Giving Birth I don't know about you, but nothing makes me crazier than women who make a lot of noise giving birth. Crybabies. Come on, 12 billion women have done this in the past so obviously it doesn't hurt all that much. Luckily we have Tom Cruise and his helpful band of Thetan OverlordsScientologists to show women the correct way to bring forth life. How will they keep it properly quiet in labor when Katie Holmes gets ready to eject the spawn of Tom Cruise? By strategically posting signs where Katie can see them. And the signs say things like "BE SILENT AND MAKE ALL PHYSICAL MOVEMENTS SLOW AND UNDERSTANDABLE.” Just in case she might not notice them, they made those signs really huge. That oughtta shut her up all right. Scientologists claim that owie noises coming from the mother can cause a newborn harm that would take years of therapy to overcome. Scientology doesn't address what the impact of having a crazy, tyrant father and a gullible mother will be.