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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"
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Page Six Guy Takes Bribes To Keep Out The Gossip



So, yeah, if you want to stay out of my blog you'd better start ponying up. I have no problem at all inventing news, thus I am the opposite of this guy, who had no problem at all preventing news from being printed.

Items you might not want me to reveal:

*I had sex with you.
*You had sex with me.
*Your breasts are fake.
*My hands are small, I drive a sports car, and I am still way bigger than Brad Pitt.


Angelina Jolie, I expect a check from you any day now.

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