Breaking The Code
I can't speak for anyone else but I am damn turned on by Tilda Swinton as The Witch in that Chronicles of Narnia movie. It's rare that I would let a woman get too much over on me but if she'll dress up like that I imagine I would put up with a lot, even something like using me for sex and not buying me an orange smoothie afterward.
I know, I know, giving up post-coital smoothies is a lot. Don't start thinking I have gone soft and will start crying in bed or something equally blue state-ish. I am still a prick and have no problem letting women know it. Like this chick. She is apparently the most-tipped girl on the Frisco section of Smokinghotwaitress.com and I just don't get it. She's not even the hottest waitress that woke up at my house this morning.
Well, maybe she's hotter than the short one, but I only met her because I was wearing my cool KodeSex shirt at the gym and she came up and started talking to me. It was late and my self esteem was low because I hadn't had sex since 2AM the night before:
"Do you really have sex the way your KodeSex shirt says you do?" asks she.
"If you can call it sex," replies I, "It's more like a human rights violation."
Now, why is it when you go out of your way to make something sound as unattractive as possible, women are drawn to it anyway? Girls, here is a hint: sometimes there ain't no diamonds, it's just all rough. But relationship advice is best left for Fridays so let's move on.
After mentioning the human rights violation I felt like I did my part to dissuade her so I don't feel any guilt for what happened afterward. Plus, I gave her some Advil and bought her an orange smoothie so I figured that made us even, though she wasn't too happy about me forgetting her name and calling her Tilda Swinton.
She was also a brunette so I feel like I have done my part for tolerance and giving women of all heights and hair colors a chance this month. I don't discriminate like those Germans that are discriminating against Muslims by removing their flags from brothels. How will Muslim men know where to get laid during the World Cup now? As we discussed before, Germans are good about obeying signs - except, of course, the ones that say 'BORDER TO FRANCE' or have the Star of David on them - but Muslims are another barrel of mackerels. To get guys from Saudi Arabia to pay attention you need signs like this:
I guess there's such a thing as taking misogyny too far, huh? Fine, fine. Since I have been so non-politically correct today tomorrow's post will be entitled:
There? All better?