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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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A Reason To Respect Jessica Simpson



She's apparently attending a Republican fundraiser this week and House Majority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) is the lucky guy who gets to sit next to her. Not that he will recognize her.

“I’m not even sure if he knows who Jessica Simpson is,” the Majority Leader’s spokesman, Kevin Madden,said. “Boehner’s celebrity recognition standards crashed and burned with the introduction of color television.”

I can help you with that, Congressman. She'll be the one to the left causing your erection.

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