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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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The Magic Of Miss Clairol



Pure, un-edited proof that all women look hotter as (a) blondes and (b) long-haired blondes. Let's talk Bryce Dallas Howard, apparently chosen to play Gwen Stacy in Spider-Man 3. Now, I don't know about the rest of you but my first masturbation memory was looking at Gwen Stacy as drawn by John Romita. I think I was 6. I don't know how they are going to work her into Spider-Man now, since they flopped around the history and made Mary Jane Watson his first girlfriend and had her getting into all the trouble Gwen did in the comics, but it won't matter as long as she looks something like this:

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But they will think of something. If Sam Raimi likes the plot, I like the plot. After all, he did Army of Darkness, one of the greatest movies of all time.

Still, look at the pictures of this girl before and after blonde hair. On the left, she looks like her dad, Opie, including the red hair. Though he probably looks better bald than she does with hair. On the right, she is suddenly a platinum-blonde hottie.

So note to girls: if you want to get men, go blonde. And bake me a pie. Everything you need to know is in this picture:

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Except the pie. I like cherry and pumpkin.

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