How To Be Big In Japan
It actually isn't all that difficult when you're big and pretty and happen to be in Japan. But people have asked me how I am able to speak so easily and so well in public - even in foreign countries. I never really had a response for them but it turns out other scientists had the same question. The answer? It's because I get all that sex.
Yep, they spent a whole bunch of taxpayer money and discovered that the volunteers who had sexual intercourse were the least stressed and that having sex is good way to calm nerves before giving a speech or presentation. This explains why I give speeches as least 3 times a day. No matter where in the world I am.
Ann Coulter isn't in Japan with me but she made a heck of a good speech in her own right and got some free publicity as a result. She also completely reaffirmed her hotness by joking that Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens should be poisoned.
This was at Philander Smith College in Little Rock, Ark. The college president, Walter Kimbrough, had told the audience, that inviting Coulter to speak at the black school made sense because, like hip hoppers, she is "raw, outspoken, uncensored." He also called her the "conservative answer to rapper Lil' Kim -- [both] attractive and sexy, long-haired blondes. ..."
Coulter said it was the best introduction she'd ever had.
I disagree with that. One time I introduced her to some friends by saying she was the cause of more web-based spankings among Young Republicans than Cindy Crawford and Jenna Jameson combined. She thought that was pretty cute.
So you're asking yourself, why didn't things work out between him and Ann? The plain truth is she got tired of women always hitting on me. And I didn't even know who Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens was before she decided to poison him. I guess she's just too darn insecure to hang with the big Gaijin.