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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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You Know I Have Arrived When I Can Outsource My Video Gaming



I confess I have a lot of video games. I have two gaming systems and a desktop PC with a 21" flatscreen monitor. But I'll be darned if I have time to play any of them. The most important reason is because I always have to be doing two things at once. I can't sit in front of an Xbox and play games because I couldn't watch a movie at the same time then. And most games that require the graphics of a desktop PC are filled with time-wasting activities and not much actual story.

I knew I wasn't the only one with this problem and that eventually someone would find a way for me to delegate the grunt-work of my video gaming to Asians.

The Asians know we are that lazy. So they have established whole factories where they do nothing but play video games in 12-hour shifts. Then they sell off the games, characters, gold pieces, prizes, whatever to overly wealthy yet inherently slothful gamers in other countries.

I haven't yet discovered a way to outsource phone calls to relatives, household chores and writing this blog to Asia but video games are a nice place to start. I feel more productive already.

posted by your friendly neighborhood Moderator at 8:29 AM
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