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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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Heidi Fleiss To Open Male Bordello



In the best idea I have heard of since Microsoft® BOB® and Smucker's® Goober®, convicted madame Heidi Fleiss has decided what Nevada needs is an all-male bordello. Now, I can understand why men might visit a brothel. I have seen some of my gender brothers in action trying to land dates ... and it ain't pretty. Paying is always better when you're too incompetent to hold a decent conversation. And if there's one thing I know, it's that women expect conversation before they give it up. Or an Alaskan winter's worth of cocaine.

But, holy mackerel, why would women need a brothel? Women can go into pretty much any bar in America and announce "I have a vagina" and immediately be handed a line of willing men so long it can be seen from the space shuttle.

This is not to say it will be hard for Fleiss to find employees. Men, confused at the idea of getting paid for sex, have already flooded her with a 1,000 applications.

You're thinking this would be a great business for me to go into, right? I don't need the press. I am already the cause of more web-based female masturbation fantasies than Brad Pitt and George Cloony combined because of the legendary Campbell Men Site.

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Comments on ""

 

Anonymous Anonymous said ... (12:15 PM) : 

Wow, I thought my ex-wife was dumb. Unless I marry a retarded cat it's going to be difficult finding someone dumber than Heidi Fleiss.

 

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