Quickies - Because You Love Them An ugly lesbian insists she can steal Angelina Jolie from Brad Pitt. Nothing irks me more than ugly lesbians ... especially fame-whoring ugly lesbians trying to make news. The magnetic north pole is moving. Environmentalists are scrambling to find a way to blame George Bush. McDonald's Apple Pie is that good. Stoners trying to get free food? It sounds more like the plot of "Dude, Where's My Car - Again". Honor Among Turks. Let me see if I get this; you steal my wife and then try to give me the hag you dumped for her? Iraqis Really Happy. Media are alarmed they may have to report it. Santa drops pants at the mall. I'm kind of old school so under the Christmas tree would be just fine. Coffee reduces risk of liver disease. And you thought my thing for coffee makers was an unhealthy fetish. It's about my liver, dammit.