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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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Let's Legislate Dying



There's a town in Brazil running out of space in their cemetaries. They have lots of rivers and what isn't river is The Amazon Rainforest, which no one who lives there is apparently allowed to use thanks to helpful enviromentalists in other countries. What to do? Well, if you are a government bureaucrat the obvious solution is to ban death. Makes sense to me.

70% of people die in their beds. So I would go one step further and ban beds. Or at least never sleep in my bed. Sleep on the couch instead. Presto, I automatically live longer because I can't die in my bed if I never sleep there.

So I am with this guy in Brazil. Let's ban death. And Emo haircuts while we're at it. But death first.

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