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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"

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High School Bans Bondage Pants



Because they're ugly? No, because apparently they are unsafe, what with the straps and all. I'd go one step further and ban all things Goth - at least until one of them can tell me who the Goths actually were, and which one of the Goth tribes they are pretending to be in all that mascara. And then I'd ban Emo too. And most especially Emo haircuts.

Before you get all excited about the term 'bondage pants' and start imagining hot 23 year old girls wearing them late at night for frisky, kinky fun, note that they're not all that interesting and most people wearing them look like this:

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