Girls Gone Green

I saw a press release about a global warming 'virtual march' ( we'll get back to that ) and a tour being conducted by Laurie David ( married to "Seinfeld" co-creator Larry David and thus an expert on climate science, also founder of the website that put out the press release ) and Sheryl Crow called the "Stop Global Warming College Tour" beginning April 9th in Dallas. I was itching to find more information about it and, other than discovering they were going to show clips from Al Gore's movie ( yeah, no college student will have seen that ) and Sheryl Crow would sing a few songs at each stop, the only interesting thing I came across was an article in something called the Post Chronicle where the author makes a joking reference to a "girls gone green" tour likely being a better idea. You know, kind of like "Girls Gone Wild" except the beads they get are made of hemp - and they hopefully won't be chunky sorority sisters on drunken binges. You mean they haven't done something like that yet??? No one would ever have heard of PETA if they didn't go on trial for killing homeless pets and get aging supermodels like Christy Turlington ( perhaps NSFW ) to pose naked in their advertisements. The lack of hot girls in environmental causes is a much bigger story than figuring out what a "virtual march" is ( though I did find out the answer: you give them your email and you have done your part to save the planet ) so I set out to find out just how important the environment is to beautiful women. Not all that important, it seems, as you can tell by the roster below. So here's what we have, and you can bet the pictures take up a lot more space than the content because there is so little content to be found. Gong Li - Okay, the environment is a big winner on this one. Sure, "Memoirs Of A Geisha" stunk but it wasn't because Gong Li was anything except flawless. "Things will become really terrible if we don't take environmental protection more seriously," said she. Looks like that and she's smart too! Petra Nemcova - The name was vaguely familiar but I actually thought she was the girl who got her leg bitten off by a shark. Turns out she was in the big tsunami a few years ago and her boyfriend died, catapulting her to fame and making her an expert on the environment. The only thing that has fewer hot women than the environment, it seems, are tsunamis, so she was an easy winner here. Plus, she already broke her pelvis so it's unlikely you will hurt her much during sex. Persia White - I never heard of her, so we are really reaching now. She was a bit player on some TV show or another. It doesn't matter. She has a tattoo, which makes her look 'edgey.' College age numbskulls like girls who look 'edgey.' We're trying to motivate people who have plenty of time on their hands to 'virtual march' for Laurie David so I'd say she appeals to a good target demographic. After this it goes downhill quickly. You can save your time, and your eyesight, by simply submitting this to Digg and going to lunch. But for you masochists out there ... Daryl Hannah - My dad loves Daryl Hannah. Looking at this picture from 20 years ago, I can understand why. Looking at her now makes me think "Kill Myself" more than "Kill Bill." However, after this the only girl under 70 left was Christie Brinkley. This is a family site, so I am not putting up a picture of Christie Brinkley. So you are starting to see the problem - the environment is not getting more attention because hot girls don't care enough. Instead of putting on non-concerts and virtual marches, I think Laurie David and Al Gore should be devoting more time to getting attractive people on their side. Well, attractve women on their side. Because male environmentalists like holding on to the hope that at some protest or another a hot girl will be in evidence. Female environmentalists have the same hope. In conclusion, I did find plenty of non-hot girls who care, like in the final picture. Lady Scientist saw this draft and said, "Is that the Indigo Girls?" "Yes," I replied. "Lesbians, you know. Shows my tolerance." "Right," she said. "I notice you are always very tolerant of lesbians." I don't know what point she was trying to make but I am happy she recognized my overall inclusiveness.