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Top 10 Reasons My Faster-Than-Light Car Rules:

10) Stephen Hawking always wants to carpool.

9) Breaking the laws of physics is only a misdemeanor in most states.

8) Traffic enforcement is pretty much limited to cops with Ph.D.'s in Quantum Physics.

7) Bugs - they never see you comin'.

6) I can get to the good hookers before Charlie Sheen.

5) I made a fortune selling pizza with the slogan "It's there before you order or it's free!"

4) I sleep until noon and still get to work by 8:00am!

3) I'm never in the car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song.

2) My cigar butts don't land in the back seat, they land in last week!

... and the number one cool thing about my faster-than-light car is ...

1) I get a license plate that reads "ME = MC^2"
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A Population Crisis The Left And Right Can Agree On



Population science is more art than science so you can count on me to be a little skeptical. However, there are times when the numbers are just too alarming and we have to mobilize for action.

What is this looming population catastrophe? It's Elvis impersonators. Even the Center for Disease Control has sounded the alarm about this issue. If the CDC is worried about an issue, so am I.
When Elvis Presley died in 1977, there were an estimated 37 Elvis impersonators in the world. By 1993, there were 48,000 Elvis impersonators, an exponential increase. Extrapolating from this, by 2010 there will be 2.5 billion Elvis impersonators. The population of the world will be 7.5 billion by 2010. Every 3rd person will be an Elvis impersonator by 2010.
Source: Caen, H., San Francisco Chronicle; October 27, 1993


That's right, people. 1 in 3. We don't have a lot of time to act.

Now, there will be skeptics and I recognize that. There will always be skeptics and I am usually first in line. I can understand why there is some skepticism on the causes of global warming. After all, most of us don't live on the coast and we don't think we need to change our lives so that Barbra Streisand can block off swaths of public beach and have a nice view.

This is not to say we don't know that global warming is happening. It is obviously happening:

Global Warming Proof


Oops, that isn't global warming. That's global sexiness.


And I can understand why people aren't concerned about genetically modified foods. Hey, I don't mind fake breasts on women so I don't see why they would bother me on chicken.

genetically modified breasts


But this Elvis impersonator business is serious stuff. Look at this graph:

courtesy annika.mu.nu


Hockey sticks do not lie, my friends.

I will finish with a quote from the outstanding scientists at Annika's Journal:

The Elvis impersonator crisis is real, humans are causing the problem, and the solutions are available to us now. It is not too late to avoid the worst. All that is needed is the political will to act.

Amen. If someone at the UN tells me I have to be an Elvis impersonator you can bet I am writing me some letters to my Congressman.

And pies. I want more pies.

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Comments on "A Population Crisis The Left And Right Can Agree On"

 

Blogger Danielle in Iowa in Ireland said ... (12:57 PM) : 

This explains a bit why Kim Jong-il resembles the hunka hunka burning love... And perhaps he is bitter at the world and lashing out because the UN assigned him the impersonator position? Perhaps there will be a disproportionate amount of North Koreans Elvises (Elvi?), thus sparing us back here?

 

Blogger Chief Scientist said ... (11:25 PM) : 

Danielle, you're the only one who understands me.

 

Blogger RevRee said ... (1:35 PM) : 

I just found out that I'm not a C cup, I'm actually a D cup! Do you thinkn that's because I eat a lot of chicken???

 

Blogger Chief Scientist said ... (11:42 AM) : 

Rev Ree, okay, obviously you understand me also.

D-cups don't tell us much. You could look like Pamela Anderson or Rosie O'Donnell and have D cups. I safely assume that all women on the internet weigh somewhere between 80 and 250 lbs. and I am rarely wrong.

 

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