Science Advice For Wednesday

Making Yourself More Appealling To The Opposite Sex Ms. Magazine is publishing a "We Had Abortions" petition. I guess it's supposed to be some stand for female empowerment - you know, since after only 35 million abortions Ms. Magazine still thinks they're illegal. They should just save scientists some time and call it the "We Like To Screw And Won't Hold You Hostage If The Condom Breaks" list. These women would get a lot more dates that way. Sometimes it's all about presentation. How To Embarrass The French Iran is asking that France be the country to oversee its nuclear enrichment program. I am sure Iranians feel that is a real accolade for the French but the French probably wish they had been consulted first. Don't get me wrong, France is totally capable of invading countries that are no threat to anyone outside their borders without UN approval. I like that about the French. It's just that Ivory Coast is the only country small enough that they can get away with it. Next up, "Wife-Beating Husbands Request That Abused Women Oversee Their Rehabilitation." How To Win An Argument On Global Warming CNN Anchor Miles O'Brien knows how - use a Hollywood movie as your information source. Senator James Inhofe, the chairman of the Environment and Public Works Committee, thinks the media is a little biased on the global warming thing and are trying to create hysteria. Not so, responded CNN. “This is "The Day After Tomorrow" scenario that we're talking about,” O’Brien said after being confronted by Senator Inhofe on his climate reporting. He must think Martin Sheen's character on "The West Wing" is actually the President. Next up, I explain the magic of flight using science from the movie "WaterWorld." How To Make Sure You Raise A Nation Of Pussies Norway is going to prohibit boys from standing and peeing. Weren't these people friggin' VIKINGS once? Now their women are making them pee sitting down. I sense a real decline in the Nordic porn industry once Nordic men forget how to pee standing up. Luckily for them Germany is nearby. Okay, I can't leave you with thoughts of nothing except Nordic men and Gloria Steinem, which pretty much means the same thing these days. So here is some good news: Americans swept the Nobel Prizes again. And this picture has absolutely nothing to do with it: